Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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