my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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