you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
