R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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