capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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