from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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