That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
home. puking in laundry basket.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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