i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
