"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
