Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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