you have to choose: penises or morals?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
