Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
