I could have mohawked her pubes.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
