he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
