it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
