sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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