I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
