dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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