I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
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