Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
