did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Randomize
