my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
