he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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