Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
