I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
