Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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