Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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