we have officially lost it.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
