i wish starbucks made bloody marys
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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