umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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