Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
