When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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