Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
