Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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