I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize