That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just gargled with NyQuil
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
