I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
