Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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