My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Someone came in the potted fern
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
