I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
