From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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