Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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