Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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