Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
