as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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