Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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