you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
