So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
