Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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