Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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