thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
We are all done wearing pants today
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize