I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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