Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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