belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
