I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i wish my penis had a tongue
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
