i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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