when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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