I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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