I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize