if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
How naked do you want me to be?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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