All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
