dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
