i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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