Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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