im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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