I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
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