i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
