There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
