Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You ate ashes out of my bong
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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