I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
