Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
