OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
