I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
