So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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