So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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