i think my tv is drunk
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You are the jesus of drinking
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
