She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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