I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize