are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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