Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
