I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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