I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
