I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
my being single is dangerous.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
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