She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
