terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
