rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
