Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
