Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
