it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
