So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
