Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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