i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
