Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
