brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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