Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
home. puking in laundry basket.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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