that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
