..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
