not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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