I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
