also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
No subtext here. People are naked.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
