I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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